


Spoils of war

by madrugadaestrella



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Distrust, Family Feels, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-29
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-23 03:11:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2531921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madrugadaestrella/pseuds/madrugadaestrella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a bigger plot here, but bassicaly the catalyst is this:</p><p>What if the "battle" in Jotunheim between Jotuns and Thor and his friends went a little bit differently. What if Loki changed fully, not just his hand. They all saw. They all knew. How will they react?</p><p>The bigger plot involves Asgards shady past. Not everthing that ever happened in Asgard can be called just or right. Asgard is soaked with jotun blood. Can Loki trust his family, that they mean him no harm or are they just waiting for the right time (you will understand better if you read the prolog :) )</p><p>About the rating. I can´t really say what will be happening in the story if I don´t want to spoil if Loki is right or wrong about his family intentions. Things like mind control and rape and mpreg will be metioned. It is connected to Asgards past, to Jotun biology etc. in the first place. <br/>What is gonna happen in the present? Well it might be Lokis vivid imagination in the dream, or it might really gonna happen - I really want you to wonder about the truth and the lies. So I will mark each chapter, tell you what is mentioned there and if it is explicitly described or not, so pay attention to it. I will warn you ahead, I promise. ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prolog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we start with prolog and it describes Asgards past. So there will be some remarks of mind control, possible abuse and rape and mpreg. But it is really just mentioned as a fact that happened. The word "rape" is not even used. Nothing explicit. Like if you write a history book ;)

**Prolog**

Loki always loved reading and learning. He was just a 12 years old boy, but even in this young age he understood, that muscles and weapons are not everything.

Oh yes, he loved sparing with his brother and friends on the training fields. He was good fighter. True, not as brutish as his brother, but he still could do miracles with right fitting dagger. But what Loki really relied on was not his strength, but his brain. Right information could be as much the difference between life and death as physical strength – and also could make the difference, if the person, who´ll be sitting in the mud on the training field is him or his opponent.

Some people disliked him for his „little tricks“, his magic and traps. They called Loki dishonorable. Loki, however, haven´t seen anything bad in the use of his opponents weaknesses against him. In the battle the better is the winner, the worse is simply dead. Nobody checks if the opponent had time to learn fighting with sword, so it would not be „dishonorable“ to use it against him. Nobody in Asgard bothered to learn magic or gather information about opponent before battle to outsmart them? Their loss. Loki wasn´t as strong as his peers, but he was smarter. They used muscles on their arms, he used the matter in his skull.

That is why Loki spent great amount of his time in the library or with his teachers, asking his questions until he got the answer that satisfied his curiosity. His mother found it endearing, his father was proud of his eagerness to learn. They supported him, encouraged him, they wanted for him to do his best.

That is why Loki was so surprised, when his father ordered Loki to stop asking questions about one particular book and its topic. He even took that book away from him. Loki didn´t understand the reason behind his actions. It was just a history book which described Asgards wars against Jotunheim. Not just the last war, the one his father so bravely won, but also the wars before that. Loki was disappointed. He liked the book, not only because it was interesting, but also because it was one of the few books his brother was willing to read with him.

They read about the bravery of Odins grandfather and his war with Jotunheim that had ended, of course, victorious for him. And they read something more. About tributes that Jotunheim had been forced to pay. Not the Casket, that was for Odin to take, but another weapon of Jotunheim. Their magic users. They had been powerful and had almost cost Asgard its victory. They had had to be dealt with.

Those magicians were magnificent creatures, Loki thought. Well, magnificent for something so disgusting as jotun. Their power really impressed him. The book described them as smaller than their kin, but stealthier. It advised not to underestimate them, but it also said that their magic could be bound. The book also mentioned their rarity. Only the mage could give birth to another mage. The child would have to grow inside his parents body so it could absorb as much magic as possible and the jotun mages were rare, which made their children even more rare then them.

They all had been taken to Asgard. By taking them all it was ensured, that Jotunheim will never have another. The adults had been mercilessly executed. Children, however, had not. At last not those, who had been young enough to be raised loyal to Asgard. Their skin had been changed so they looked like Aesir and their memory erased. Thanks to their magical potential the spells had become self-sustaining and the children had believed that they were children of Asgard. They had been given into the families of Aesir with specific orders. They had meant to be raised and supported in learning magic. But also watched and controlled as much as possible. There had been hope, that one day those children would become Asgards powerful weapon.

This plan, however, had ended up in ruins. The book said, that it had been because those „monsters“ had been ungrateful, had become hateful and started an uproar in which the secret had been revealed a they had to be „arrested” and with their magic bound they had been chained in Asgard dungeons. Disobedient as they became, they had been of no use anymore. Defeat, however, had been something the king refused to accept. So much effort could not end like this. So he had found a way to enslave their mind. He had called the most powerful magicians from Vanaheim and asked them to create a spell, that would make those “jotun scum” obey his every whim. And so it had been done. The spell itself had been really complex. The mind of the subject would be tied to one thought. Please its master. Everything in their mind would be related to this one task. They would eat, when they are hungry, but only because their master wants them strong. They would do they best in the battle, even protect themselves, but only in those cases where their own protection is less important than their masters interests. They would know their place - important, but expendable.

Loki could understand that the spell was bound to the phases and constellation of Asgards moons. This suitable and chosen (because of its close approach) constellation occurs only once in 25 Asgardian years. That is the only time, when the spell might be done but also undone. This had suited the king perfectly. He hadn´t had to worry, that his tools would get lose. He would only have to be careful for one day in 25 years.

Jotuns were put under the spell immediately and all seemed working well. The magicians had been powerful and could not be anything else but obedient and loyal. Asgards army had been invincible. The spell itself however had been damaging. It had been created fast, had been untested and in the end proved to be fatal. The puppets had started dying one after another.

So the decision had been made to ensure another generation. Loki and Thor went through the pages that glorified those men, who volunteered to impregnate remaining Jotun mages. Neither one of them could imagine touching something so disgusting like jotun. Even though none of them have seen the real jotun, they had they imagination and stories they´ve heard to make a picture in their young heads.

The development was tragic for the army of Asgard. Most of the mages died during pregnancy or while giving birth and those children had rarely survived. Those who had had never grew up properly. Their minds had been influenced by the spell and their little minds had never had a chance to develop, to recognize and accept the world around them, to understand basic rules. And that was the end of powerful army full of jotun magicians. When king Bor had sat on the throne, there was none left. Jotun magicians were extinct.

Loki read that book with fascination. Thor has mostly been proud of his ancestors, how smart they had been, to use “monsters against monsters”. Loki being Loki had many questions regarding this book. Is there really no jotun magician left? Where did they come from in the first place? Isn´t there a possibility that another will be born? And seriously – jotun men can bear children? And what about the spell, does it work nowadays or has it never improved? He went with those questions to his parents, as he always did. Their reaction was shocking. He was forbidden to ever talk about it and the book was taken from him.

And that reaction is the main reason why he remembers this book so well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The time on Asgard is defferent than time on Earth! In he movie Loki is 1048 (Earth) years old. Normal life span there is about 5000 (Earth) years. (not my idea - norse mytology - the ice age etc., that is their Earth age)  
> So it makes Loki a teenager - about 17? Thor is older, but was not old enough to remember how his brother came to be - so now he is 19, 20?  
> So 17 years on Asgard is 1048 years on Earth, ok?  
> So 25 years on Asgard means something really different then 25 years here.   
> I don´t want anyone telling me, that Loki is not 17 and 25 years is nothing for a god! I said every 25 years in Asgard years, here on Earth it would be every cca 1200 years.


	2. Blue lie

The second Laufey had thrown an insult on crown prince of Asgard Loki knew they were in trouble. Thor was famous for his temper and his brother knew there is no stopping him now. Thor attacked and soon Loki, Lady Sif and Wariors three had to join the battle.

They were losing, Fandral was gravely injured and jotuns were closing on them. The only one, who still had fun, was Thor. He was swinging his hammer on one jotun after another, barely noticing his friends, who were trying to protect Fandral and hold the jotuns back from themselves. Lokis magic was again proving itself useful. His tricks managed to let him stay away from any big, broad a strong blue monster, that could crush his skull if he got anywhere near its fists and at the same time it offered him openings for his daggers.

But apart from Thor, he just wanted to get out of there, he really wasn´t enjoying himself. Well, ok, at the beginning, when the fight started, he knew it was going to be a disaster, but he still could not help it – he enjoyed letting his magic play with those giants a little bit. The warriors and Sif were also having some fun. They loved fighting - their whole life was about fighting, being great warriors in the name of their realm and protecting it against everyone and everything. They all grew up on the stories of wars and glorious battles. But as the battle became fiercer and first dead jotun fall to the ground, Lokis inner voice, that was telling him, that his little joke has to stop, let itself be heard again. This was no fun. He could now see in the wider scale, how his little mischief went awry. They came into the foreign realm, the one which was not on the friendly terms with Asgard. They acted like they owned it, they were arrogant and they started a bloodshed. There was no coming back now.

He knew what Thors reaction would be, when his coronation had been disrupted. He helped it himself. He wanted to show their father, that Thor was not ready. He counted on Thor acting like hotheaded arrogant and spoilt princeling, who believed, that his hammer has answer for everything. He wanted him to be angry and to attempt to march on Jotunheim. But that was it. He counted on Heimdall not letting them pass, calling Odin right away. Thor would have gotten a scolding he deserved, Odin would have seen what an idiot his first born is and all would be well.

The second Heimdall let them pass, he knew this was bad. He let the guard know and ordered him to alert their father. But where was he? What was taking him so long? This could cause another war and Loki knew, that if they died here today, it might actually be for the best, because if they survived not only would they have to face Odins anger, but also might face the anger of their whole realm and face the fact, that the grief that comes with war was is their fault.

He could see troubled faces of Sif, Hogun and Volstaag. Fandral was unconscious. He didn´t know, if they were troubled because of what they did or because they held a dying friend and were being surrounded, but at last they looked troubled. Thor, well, he was having time of his life. Loki apparently underestimated his ego and pride and what its hurt would unleash and he also underestimated his brothers craving for jotun blood. Thor always wanted to follow his father´s footsteps, now he had his chance and he was taking it.

Finally Thor registered, that his companions could use some help. He threw his hammer on the jotuns closing on them from behind, successfully blocking their escape route to bifrost. The hammer made them a path and they didn´t hesitate. They grabbed Fandral and run.

They felt snow and ice beneath their feet and jotun army behind them. They didn´t look back, just run forward, eyes glued to the spot where they landed, where bifrost could take them back. Thor caught up with them, but still held little bit behind. His fighting spirit was apparently still present.

They were almost there. They run and called for Heimdall to be ready to pick them up. But when they arrived, nothing happened. What was worse, Thor was on his stomach on the ground and one big jotun held him there. His hammer was out of reach and his muscles were of no use against the giant. The jotuns surrounded them once more and were coming near.

Then a real chaos started. The second Loki felt a giant hand on his wrist the bifrost activated. Loki didn´t know, what he notice first – that Odin Allfather himself came to Jotunheim or the fact, that his hand didn´t burn like it should or, the most confusing thing, that his hand turned blue. And not just his hand. In the reflection of big red eyes of his captor he could see his face marred with markings, jotun markings. Loki panicked and started jerking his arm from the firm grip. His captor was apparently as shocked as Loki himself, because he let him go. Lokis hand slip from the grip and he lost his balance and fell on the ice. Soon he found himself lying at Allfathers feet.

There was a heavy silence. Eyes were on Loki, but he was too shocked to really care. He was looking at his hands in disbelief. Odins voice disrupted the silence and helped Loki to recover a little bit. At last enough for him to take in the situation. Not enough to look up though.

“Release my son, Laufey” that was Odins first sentence. Of course, Thor was still lying on the ground with jotun foot on his back, but he was no longer struggling. Hard to say if he saw its futility or was too shocked by Lokis change of color.

“And why would I do that Allfather?” Laufeys voice replied. ”He came here, in his arrogance, bringing threads and offence. I have no desire to let him go.”

“Those were the actions of a foolish boy Laufey, treat them as such. He will be punished for them.”

“He might be punished, or not. Hard to imagine the Allfather discipline his golden son because of few lost jotun lives. He is very dear to you Allfather, is he not?” Laufey smiled. “Now I have something precious to you and you want it back. Life for life, Allfather. Return what you have stolen from me and I shall return what is yours as well.”

Laufeys words rested heavy in the air. Then Odins voice cut through it. “I will not be forced into such a bargain.”

“Then I´ll be happy to introduce your son to jotun hospitality.” Laufey whispered back.

“Your threats end here, Laufey. I shall take my son”…. and at this words gungnir hit the ground. Jotun standing on Thors back was thrown back and Thors body slide on the ice to his friends who caught him…..”and we shall leave.”

Laufey was furious. “These actions will bring another war, Allfather” he hissed.

“Then we shall have war” answered Odin with pretended calmness. Then he turned his eyes towards Loki, who was still sitting at his feet and grabbed his upper arm. Bifrost was activated and took them to Asgard with Odins last sentence in the wind.

“He is mine.”


	3. Home, right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They returned from Jotunheim. Back home, right? Where is the truth between the lies?

They landed. Fandral was being supported by Sif and Volstaag and was heavily bleeding. Hogun was helping Thor on his legs. Loki, still blue, confused and, let´s admit it, terrified, was still sitting at Odins feet. The Allfather was the only one, except for Heimdall, who was observing the situation quietly from the pedestal, who was standing upright and at last looked composed.

That was, however, just a mask. Inside he was boiling with anger. Loki would be able to tell immediately, if he just looked at him. He was a god of lie, he had to be able to tell, when someone was lying to him – even if it was just a pretended calmness behind the storm.

So what happened? How is this possible? Why didn´t he see THIS? His whole life was a lie! His parents weren’t his parents. His brother wasn´t his brother. His realm wasn’t his realm. Who knew? Just the royal family? Was he a dirty little secret? Or royal palace? Or, and that thought was terrifying, the whole realm? Every single one who lived here? Did everyone know a he was the only blind fool around here? Were everyone lying and he did not see it? And why? Why is he here? What for? What do they want from him, or him for? Why would they make him believe he is their prince? …..

There were so many questions going through Lokis head. They had no order, they were just there, whirling in his mind. He could not concentrate. They were just shouting one after another, demanding an answer, which he didn´t have. He didn´t even know which one should he try answer first. He was sitting at Odins feet with blind look on his face and chaos in his head.

Then suddenly there was a hand on his cheek. He looked up – right at Odins face. This snapped him out of his hazed state. Loki flinched away so violently, that he landed three feet from him. His breathing was harsh, as if he ran thousand miles and his heard was wildly beating. Odin however paid him attention no more. Allfather stood straight, looking harshly on his companions. Then the shouting started.

Loki, now calmer, closely observed the situation. About time, he told himself, to start really paying attention. His life could now depend on it after all. Everything he knows, or what he believes he knows, about this gods, about this realm, can be a lie. He is certain about nothing.

First Odin issued an order to get Fandral to the doctor. Sif and Volstaag made for the door with him between them and Hogun looked really eager to help them and get out of there. Loki didn´t blame him. He himself wanted to be anywhere but here, he actually didn´t just want to get outside the door. He really wanted to run, on another realm preferably, and hide himself. At least until he could properly think. But he had to stay. He would have to go around Odin to get to the door and he was really glad, that Allfathers focus was somewhere else and not directed on him. Odin was now shouting at Thor about his stupidity, impulsiveness and arrogance but Loki knew that this was not going to last. He was trapped here. Using bifrost to run was out of question with Heimdall there and there was no other path but the door. Odin would soon notice his existence once more, it was inevitable.

Thank Norns Thor was being as pig headed as ever and actually started arguing with his enraged father. They were both strong stubborn and proud. Usually they argue, shout, break something and then Thor storms out of any room they have the “conversation” in. That is the time, when people who do not have a volcano instead of a head on their shoulders, act. It is the time, when Frigga does her best to calm them down, show them the foolishness of their behavior and preferably come up with a suitable compromise. To be honest, Loki had never missed an opportunity to lecture Thor as well. He however had different approach then Frigga – he had never forgotten to mention to Thor, that he had been acting like an idiot…. and THEN he had tried to show him a better way how to handle things. It has always been fun to tease Thor about it. This was Lokis territory. Thor knew his way around battlefield, and teased Loki many times about his way of fighting, but when it came to delicate matters, where there was need for negotiation and sensible approach, he was lost like a newborn in the forest.

This time however there was nothing funny about the argument that was displaying itself in front of Lokis eyes. This was it. The result Loki had feared, when they were about to disobey and enter Jotunheim. He knew that the punishment would be great and Odin would be enraged. They put whole realm in danger. But the biggest problem was that Thor was anything but apologetic. He was still riled up from the battle a now he was slowly crossing the line. He called Odin an old fool, too soft and oh …. Thor has apparently forgotten that the crowning ceremony was disrupted. He was not yet the king of Asgard.

“But you are not the king” Odin slowly stated.

Thor seemed to realize that as well, because he fell quiet.

“You are just a spoilt boy who I blindly believed to be fit for a king” Odin quietly continued. For some reason, this quiet voice was more frightening than the shouting. “In your arrogance you have brought war into our realm, you destroyed the peace we´ve had for so many years, you might yet be responsible for all the deaths that will come with bloodshed that war brings, for all the sorrow of the survivors who will mourn their kin. And for what exactly? Your wounded pride! You´ll be punished for this. All of you.”

“You´ll punish us because you promised it to some frost giant?” shouted Thor, completely missing the point again.

“I will punish you, because you deserve it for what you did.” shouted Odin back. “I will punish you, because you have to learn. And if that punishment happens to help calm Laufey down I will only welcome it.” Then he continued in calmer tone. “This morning you were meant to become a king of Asgard, the wise ruler who´ll do anything in his power to protect its people. In one afternoon you showed me that the center of your world is you and your pride. Not only that you don´t care about the consequences your actions will bring to the whole realm, but that you can´t even care about the lives of those, who are loyal to you, who blindly follow you wherever you go, who love you. That however doesn´t mean, they are not as stupid as you are and Loki ……

Odin fell silent. Everything fell silent. Odin and Thor looked like they only just remembered what was revealed on Jotunheim. They probably did. In the heat of the argument they completely forgot what happened and the fact that Loki was still there. Lokis luck run out. They do know now. His heart was picking a pace again. He stood still as a statue, almost forgetting to breathe, his eyes wandering from Odins face to Thors and back.

Odins face looked slightly surprised, probably about a fact, that he was so distracted, that he had forgotten something like this and then it turned into something between disappointment and regret. About what, Loki had no idea. Thors face on the other hand lost all the color that was there during the argument and now looked deadly pale, like he was about to pass out.

Their eyes were wandering the same way as Lokis, between the faces of the others. Before Thors slowly opening mouth could utter a single word, Odin drew a long breath and called for guards. That glued Lokis legs to the ground even more. His heart was in his throat.

“Father, what ….” started Thor and he really sounded confused and disturbed.

Odin just shot him one warning glance before he addressed the guards. “Escort the princes to their chambers and make sure they won´t leave them. I´ll call for them myself later.” he ordered.

Lokis legs were heavy but he welcomed the opportunity to get out of there, even if it was with the escort. They were meant to lead him to his room, which meant solitude and opportunity to bring order to his thoughts and think about the best course of action. He was not being led to the prison cell, which meant he still had chance to run, if the situation called for it. The nagging thought, that he would probably not get far, was forcibly pushed aside. Slowly he went around Odin and Thor, as far from them as he could, and went towards guards waiting at the door. As soon as he was out he set up the pace, so Thor would not be able to catch up with him, if he wanted to. He had no idea what to expect now from his “brother” and he certainly didn´t want to find out. Not now. He was in no mood or shape to deal with anything right now. He just needed some time to think and fast.

He was almost running. Bridge was behind him in a few minutes, guards could barely keep up with him. He went through the palace halls in haze barely noticing people stepping out of his way and greeting him like they should greet a prince. When he saw the door of his chambers he barreled into them, run through, shut them with a harsh blow and locked them with his magic. Then he just stood there, in the middle of his room, still and quiet with closed eyes …..then slowly raised his hands up and opened his eyes.

They were………normal. Aesir normal. Not blue! What?

He hurried to the mirror. His image was back to his old self. How? Has he changed back on his own? When? Now when he was thinking about it properly, there really was a lack of screaming when he went through palace halls. Even guards didn´t try to kill him on the spot. So he must be like this for a while. He didn´t even notice it. And that was disturbing as well. It felt almost natural to him. Like nothing strange happened. His body accepted it as a fact, didn´t protest. His mind however, that was a different matter.

He moved slowly to his bed and sat on it. His mind slowly wandering back to the second the jotuns hand grabbed his. Such a small act and it changed everything. He went through the whole event again and again. Hoping there was some kind of unknown magic that has temporarily changed his appearance. Something that was just meant to distract him so he would not resist or fight. Make him an easier prey. It is possible right? Everything could by just a misunderstanding. But then he remembered the conversations. Even in his state of distress he heard enough to know that this was really happening. Not an illusion, not a mistake. He started to feel the fear coming back. When it was about to overwhelm him he remembered another hand. Odins. On his cheek. That caught his minds attention. Why did he do that? Was it an attempt to comfort him?

Well that sounded really improbable. Odin never did something like that. Even if he meant Loki no harm Odin considered giving comfort as a job for women not for an Aesir king and warrior. The more he thought about it the more confused he became. Odin is a cunning man. Maybe it was meant as a “comfort” so Loki would not try to run away? And why would he not want him to run? Protect Loki from doing something stupid? Make him wait for an explanation? Or stall him with the false sense of security before the cell with his name was ready to receive him? Loki realized that he, for the first time in his life, had no idea what to expect from his own family. Or the ones who he called family his whole life, he bitterly added to himself. He could usually read them like open book, but ……..could he really? And he realized one more thing. And that he will never ever admit to a living soul.

He was afraid of them.

Oh Norns, he was afraid. Why was he afraid? They have never treated him badly right? They treated him the same way they treated Thor, they never acted like they hated him, or despised him. There was nothing that indicated that he didn´t belong here…… well, if you don´t count that little change of skin thing, bitterly chuckled Loki. That was the root of his fear, this lie. He did not fear what they might do to him. Well ok, maybe that too, but much more he feared that they WILL do it. You expect an enemy to hurt you, but your family is there to protect you. But his family might as well turn into his enemy. The one certainty he always counted on could be his doom. His home could turn into a prison at any time and his family into his jailors. This hurt. And it was also terrifying.

But he had nothing to fear right? This was not going to happen. Why would they treat him like a prince for so long if they wanted to hurt him? It was just a secret that had some big story behind it, right? The secret was out but he was still Loki, the one that lived here with them for many years. He was still their …. No, he was not going there. This kind of thoughts could be dangerous right now. He must be ready to protect himself if the situation called for it, must avoid the sentiment. If there is some evil plan how to use him he will not bow to it. …. But this is just the worst possible scenario, right? The most improbable one! There must be some kind of explanation! Anything!

Loki was torn. He so desperately wanted to believe that everything he saw around himself for all those years was not gone, that it was not all a lie, but his rational mind was telling him to be cautious. Even though he wanted to believe in this people he could see the opportunity that arises if you have a child of your enemy in your grip. Odin could have Loki as a bargain chip over Laufey and the fact that he treated Loki well could be a part of the master plan. Well, if Loki was treated fairly, he had no reason to run after all. Even better, he could learn to love his jailor as a father. He could turn Loki against his own – which he did. Oh Norns, was that it? Did Odin want Loki to hate those monsters and then use him against them? In the battle, or did he plan to put Loki on their throne? He, the jotun who hates jotuns, as a king of jotunheim and a puppet in the hands of the king of Asgard. Was that why he wanted for Loki to be so close to Thor? Was that why he wanted them to be “brothers”? And he succeeded, Loki realized. He did love Thor as a brother and Odin and Frigga as parents and he hated those monsters ….

Then the reality really sunk in. He was a jotun! A monster! That thing he despised his whole life, the thing that this whole realm despised so much, and he was it! How has this simple thought escaped him. He was thinking about the use they could possibly have of him, but this simple fact sunk in so much later. He was disgusting! He was a monster! This fact puts the question of their love and genuine affection for him in jeopardy even more. How could they do that? How could they feel anything for something so despicable?

No, Loki was sure now. He had to face the facts. He had to stop live in denial. They had lied. And the more he looked at it the less he saw any good reason why they did it. No other reason than their own goal. He was born a prince of Jotunheim – Odin stole him, STOLE him! So much was clear from the conversation with Laufey. Loki had a parent (and that parent was a frost giant, king of frost giants, the monstrous Laufey himself, the thing he heard all those horror stories about – Loki felt sick) and Odin still took him away. There is no way this was an accident. Odin apparently wanted to have monsters on the leash and Loki knew that even something so foul as jotun could feel something as love for its young. Was it possible that Laufey cared for him? Let´s face the facts. Laufey apparently knew that Loki was in Asgard, there has be no war, no attack, no provocation from frost giants since the war and right now Laufey wanted him back, he wanted to trade Thor, the golden son of Odin, for him. He could have asked for anything else, but he wanted Loki. Loki really didn´t know how to feel about that. Was Laufey not a monster Loki was told he was? Was he just a man worried for his son? Or did Laufey wanted him for another reason? But what other reason? This was all so confusing! But another fact was that even now Odin was not willing to give him back. When we rule out the sentimentality and something as stupid as love for a little monster thant it is clear that Loki still has some use for him. Well he was already trained, wasn´t he? Thought Loki bitterly. They, yes, they, Odin AND Frigga - and that shot a spear through his heart again, even Frigga, the woman with such a beautiful and genuine smile, warm eyes, clever words, always ready to help, raised him as their own – thought him to hate Jotuns and not just that. They trained him as a warrior, they thought how to use magic, he fought in many battles for Asgard and he was good. He was actually one among few who could wield magic. Now that he thought about it he was the only one who really excelled at it. And he was always by Thors side, protecting him, aiding him in battles, helping to win Asgard its glory. Was that it? Was this his purpose? To be a soldier puppet? And by raising him like this he had a reason to do it without protest. He was doing it out of love to his family and realm, he put his heart in every battle and they didn´t have to fear he will betray them. But they didn´t have to make a princ out of him for that! Some soldiers kid or even a servant who was gracefully given an opportunity to prove himself would be enough to make him loyal to Asgard and it rulers. So why this charade? Or was there something more to it?

Loki laid his tired body down on the bed and closed his eyes. So what was going to happen now? Will the show their true colors and start to treat him like a spoil of war that he is? Or will they try to convince him that he belongs here? Will they come up with some explanation? They might be plotting it right now, while he is locked in this room with the guard right outside the door. Well he will find out sooner or later.

The only comfort, if he can call it that, is that Thor was probably as oblivious as him. If his shocked face was any indication. Strangely this one fact calmed Loki a little bit. At last he didn´t lie to him deliberately. Not yet. What would Thor do now? Join the game the way his parents will want him to, probably. Shove him into the prison, play a friend? Who knows how would they decide to play this game now. It would not be so hard for Thor though, he was going to toy with a frost giant. Thor loved that.

Yes, that’s how it´s going to be. They will reveal themselves or will continue lying to make him cooperate. That at least makes sense. But Loki will be ready. Odin is not the only one with a smart mind in the universe. More can play this game. And Loki was going to win. He was the god of lies and mischief after all.


	4. Good night and sweet dreams child

Loki didn´t really know how long had he been lying on his bed. He didn´t know when the shadows came, but right now he was lying in the complete darkness. He didn´t bother to get up and light a fire, didn´t even bother to use his magic for it. He was tired. His body was tired. He felt every muscle, lifting a hand was too much of an effort for a bit of warmth. His eyes were drifting shut. He needed to get some rest, needed to sleep. The battle was fierce, but Loki knew that the source of his exhaustion was somewhere else. It was that confusion inside of him and if he were to be honest with himself, he was in shock. His mind was still working like mad he could not shut it down. He knew, that he is not going to figure out anything new without further information to analyze, that he needed some rest to calm down and clear his head, to store everything he learned and to be alert to the new information and situations that are to come. He might even need to be ready to fight. But he could not. Every time he closed his eyes it started again.

That day was replaying itself over and over again. He already knew that he was stuck in a circle. He always started with repeating himself the facts he knew in hope to figure out something new, but it always ended up the same way. He got stuck, either because he figured out everything that could have been figured out with the information he had, or because he didn´t see what else could have been seen. And when he got stuck he found himself guessing. That wasn´t really smart thing to do, realized Loki now. His imagination was apparently too lively. He came up with so many scenarios explaining his past a predicting his future, but that was all just in his head, so it was useless. Only thing it managed to do was to spark some hope, when he imagined a good one, or scare him to death, when he imagined the bad one. Those were more common. Apparently his mind had sick sense of humor, because some of those scenarios were really disturbing. The more tired he got the more vivid and frightening those images were. The more vivid they were the more scared Loki became. The more scared he became the more alert and awake he felt. Listening for anything suspicious - movements outside his door, voices. He was trying to catch the words of the guards outside, hoping it will give him some clue. He needed to know! How could he possibly sleep like that?

He was even ready to face Odin now. Just to get some answers. Anything was better than this uncertainty. Even a lie! Lies are usually based on truth, he could work with that! Where was he? Why didn´t he show up? It has been hours! He said he would call for them, for him and Thor. Why didn´t he? What is he waiting for? Or had he already talked to Thor? Is he talking to him now? Telling him the truth or a made up story? Is the royal family discussing his fate without him, the approach they will take? ….

His train of thoughts was disturbed by the soft knocking on the door.

Loki sat up immediately and waited. He could not force himself to speak. The knocking was soft, not man´s, so not a guard to escort him to Odin. A maid then, or ….

“Loki?”

The door opened quietly and Frigga stepped slowly in. Loki didn´t know how to react. This was unexpected. He waited for the guards to escort him into the throne room or Odins chambers. He expected something …..well definitely not something this personal. The queen, his “mother”, coming alone into his room the same way she used to when he was upset as a child. Quietly, at night, sitting next to him on his bed and trying to calm him down and telling him stories so he could sleep soundly. Well this is exactly something he doesn´t need to think about now, this isn´t helping at all to calm his nerves. What was the meaning of this?

“Oh Loki, I am so sorry it took me so long to come here and talk to you.” started Frigga softly. Before Loki could get over his confusion Frigga was sitting on the side of his bed. She was looking at him with concern. Was it genuine?

“You must be so confused, have so many questions. And I assure you, they will be answered Loki, all of them.”

Loki could not look at her anymore. He got up and walked to the window. He wanted answers and now when he could get them he didn´t know how to ask. Maybe because he spent last few hours thinking about chains and prison and now he is facing a loving face of his “mother”. He was ready for a fight, but this… This was a hit below a belt.

He took a deep breath and, still facing the window, asked a question that really wasn´t that important for him at all, at least not anymore, not now.

“Is there a war coming?”

Frigga was quiet for a while, apparently not expecting the conversation taking this course. Then she answered.

“This is yet to be seen. All I know is that your father ordered Heimdall to watch closely over Jotunheim and report everything that would indicate mobilization of their forces. Then he sent for our generals and ordered them to start some basic preparations, but quietly. I believe that he wants to be prepared if the situation calls for it, but doesn´t want to spread fear that might be unnecessary.”

Loki was listening, but his mind wasn´t really interested. He actually stopped paying attention after Frigga said “your father”.

Frigga stood up and made few steps towards him. He could not see her, but he could hear her dress touching the floor.

“After that the king fell into Odin sleep. The excitement of past days exhausted him. He wanted to talk to you and Thor first, but it was not possible anymore.” Frigga continued. “I shall act as a regent until he awakens.”

Quiet again. How was Loki supposed to react? He could imagine himself shouting a raging in front of Odin, but Frigga? He could not bring himself to do that, but it took effort to stay calm. He feared the words that might escape his mouth if he opened it.

“Loki…”

“Shouldn´t Thor be the one on the throne now?” fired Loki another question.

“I believe that after today´s events we can agree that I am the best choice for now. There is much that must be explained, Thor has much to learn, and you …”

“Well, I think we both know what is the problem with me” interrupted Loki her sentence.

“Do we Loki? What is that problem you believe we are both aware of?” whispered Frigga.

Now Loki was angry and he turned towards her. “Oh, so you are going to pretend that you didn´t know? That this is some kind of misunderstanding and you had no part in it? I believe you must have noticed another “son” in your home that you did not bore. Or are you telling me, that Odin gave me to you and told you I was his and you accepted me? That he didn´t tell you he is handing over a little monster in Aesir skin? ….

Loki wasn’t really shouting, but wasn´t far from it. His anger was however really easy to catch in his voice. He would have continued in his litany, but quiet whisper stopped him.

“You are not a monster Loki”

This is the part that she responds to? He threw insults at her, basically called her a liar in her face and she responds to this stupid word?

“Never think that you are. You were never a monster, not to Odin and definitely not to me. You are our son Loki, we accepted you few hours after you took you first breath and you were ours since.” she continued and Loki was once more rendered speechless. How could he possibly believe something like that? Oh but he wanted to, he wanted so much. She was good, she always was. There were times (ha, times, it was few hours ago!) he believed everything she said without a single doubt, but now? He doubted everything she said. It made no sense! If they accepted him, why would they lie to him? Why would they change him? Why would they hide who he truly is, even from him, if they did not mind what he is? No, they hid it for a reason.

Loki has decided to ignore Friggas words and asked.

“Who knows?”

“Just Odin and me.” came her reply. “Odin brought you here under his cloak. No one saw.”

“And no one noticed that Odin suddenly has a son without his queen giving birth? That is hard to believe” Really, how stupid do they think he is?

“Oh Loki but you´ve heard this story before. With some alterations, but you and Thor must have heard it. Where do you think that little joke about you and bad timing came from?” smiled Frigga.

“You mean that story about me being born on another planet without any witnesses?”

“Yes. The story is all true Loki. The only thing altered is me giving birth, but that was a way how you came to be a member of our family and that little detail is exactly that for us. That day you became our son and that is what matters. I admit it wasn´t easy to explain to a court or make it happen, but we figured it out. You already know that after Odin came back, we told the court that we are leaving to Vanaheim on diplomatic visit, to explain the situation, show them that we are victorious, sign some trade treaties, so Asgard can faster recover and that we are making a little stop on a lonely planet for a few hours that we can spent as a family. We took Thor and you hidden under the cloak with us and left. That little planet was a place where I “gave birth”. That was the place we showed you to Thor for the first time and introduced you as his new brother. He was so excited. I doubt he remembers it, he was too small, but I can see his happy face even now.” said Frigga with a smile.

Loki felt like someone put a fist into his throat and punch him in the stomach. He could hardly swallow, talking was impossible.

“Then we came to Vanaheim with you already in my arms, telling them what happened on our little family trip and introduced you as our new born son.” she continued. ” We received congratulations and after a day for me to recover we returned to Asgard with the same story. We told the court that I used magic to hide my condition so the enemy would not see me as a perfect target. They had no problem believing that. Thor was just a little boy and at the time like that queen had to look strong and able to protect the palace and kings heir. The unexpected labour wasn´t hard to believe either. All stress gone. Family together, it was perfect time for a child to be born. And with Thor running around and telling everyone that he got a new brother on his trip with parents made everything even easier to believe.”

“So no one knows” was the only thing Loki was capable of saying. It came out a little bit choked. It was too much, so many lies. Can he believe this? That no one knows? That this story is true? He is not sure about anything anymore. But the best lies are always based on truth, it´s easier to stick to the story that way. And if the whole Asgard knew he would have probably encountered someone who would be more than happy to throw it in his face. That never happened. Either he never angered anyone enough to do so, which is hard to believe or this is the truth and the royal family had some reason to keep him the way they did without anyone noticing. But the worst thing was the way Frigga told it, with that smile on her face, like it was one of her happiest memories. Like she meant every single word she said, like it was not some trap to catch Loki in.

“No, Loki, just us” she confirmed quietly, her happy smile fading into a sad one.

She probably expected different reaction from him. Of course she did, Loki thought. She is here with a mission. To make him believe her, to make him “her son” again, to make everything “right”, to make it like it was before. Why? That was still a mystery to solve. Why did they want him as their son? Why this charade. They could have presented him as a conquest. He was a son of a king who lost a war to Odin, not just some kid they found in the snow. Why didn´t they acted towards him like they were supposed to. He could be their slave. He should be their slave. They had every right to do whatever they wanted with him and they did **that** of all things? Why? Once again was Loki back to the main question – the reason for their actions. What would they achieve by secretly keeping him and raising him like their own? There must be something he was missing. Odin was a warrior he would not go and save his enemy´s baby because he fell in love with it on the first sight. This was just stupid sentimental story they wanted him to believe.

Frigga looked sad, probably because she saw that Loki just wasn´t buying what she was selling. Was she sad because she failed and Loki would become a problem for a whole realm now or because she lost a trust of her son? Loki stopped himself right there – sentiment, really? That is not going to help him now, is it?

Now he has to think about himself. He has to play his part. If he shows too much distrust he might end up imprisoned, at best. No, he must act like everything is fine, at last until he is sure why is he here, why did they put up with all those trouble and what do they want from him. He must ensure his freedom so he can disappear if the time calls for it without much trouble. He can´t fight his way out of here if necessary, but as a prince he has better chances. If Frigga is not lying and no one else knows than the position they put him in is his best advantage. Hopefully royal family would not realize that too soon.

He took a deep breath and asked his next question.

“How is Thor?”

After that question left his lips he realized that he really needed to know this. Thor. He didn´t know either, that was one of the things Loki was sure about. What is he thinking now?

“I have not spoken to him yet. I went to see you first. But I don´t think you need to trouble yourself much about his reaction to this revelation.” Frigga said with certainty in her voice. And she was also coming closer to him every time she spoke. “Thor is reckless and quick to anger but he has a big heart and you are his brother Loki. Thor loves his family. He loves you. This would not matter to him and deep down you know it. You know your brother better than anyone. You grew up together, played together, fought together and you always stood by each other. That is what matters to him.”

Yeah, right. This is another answer that does not solve anything at all. True, Thor values those things and he is loyal to his family. But he is not Thors brother, is he. He is not his family. They are. Asgard is. Thor owes Loki nothing.

“Maybe you should go and talk to him before he decides to look for answers himself and destroys half of the palace while searching. That would cause unwanted attention to this and we don´t want that, right? As you said, he is reckless. I am surprised he is not doing it already.” said Loki and forced a smile. Anything just to make her believe that she had accomplished what she came here for, that he was fine and believed her, and get her out of his room. He had enough. He needed to think and he needed to sleep. Now that he knew they were going to play “loving family” he did not have to stay awake and guard his back. If he manages to calm down his mind he might actually get some rest.

Frigga looked at him with searching look one more time, than took a deep breath.

“Yes, you are probably right. We have the whole life time to talk this out after all. No need to rush and talk about everything in one night. We can wait for your father to wake and talk about everything properly as a family.” She came closer and added. “I know that you are confused now but remember, we are your family and we love you.” Then she put her hand on his cheek for a second, looked into his eyes, then turned around and left the room as quietly as she went in.

Loki was shaken. He barely made it to his bed before his knees gave up. This was going to be hard. Hide all those emotions, pretend he is all right and search for the truth without anyone noticing. Conversation with Frigga did not help him at all. The only thing he was sure about now was, that he is relatively safe, that they made their decision about their approach. Her words could not be taken seriously. He had to find prove for everything she said to be sure.

Unbelievable, how one little trip could change everything so dramatically. He really doesn´t trust her at all. He is not even considering it. She might have told him the truth but …. He just doesn´t trust her anymore. Where he had always seen only her kindness he now saw perfect manipulation. Maybe he is overreacting. Maybe he is paranoid. But he could not bring himself not to be suspicious. Words were the most powerful weapon, Loki knew that. He was not going to underestimate them. Frigga and Odin knew how to use this weapon, but he wasn´t a stranger to it either. She did everything perfectly. Playing on his feelings, trying to destroy his barriers with sweet words of acceptance and love at a time he feels lost and alone, putting in some story as a reminder of good times and that touch at the end was just a perfect finishing touch of a brilliant performance. She did everything right to make him believe her. To make Loki want to reach his hand, grab this fake life again and hold onto it for dear life. She attacked every possible crack in his armor with her sweet words. How could Loki possibly believe them? He was exhausted and he hasn´t even spoken to Odin yet. 

Loki closed his eyes. Let´s finally try and get some rest. For the first time since he can remember hasn´t Friggas visit brought him peace. This is going to be long night.


End file.
